The F Show

http://thefshow.blogspot.com/

I blink, and it's Monday.

I'm told that I had a weekend the last two days, but it went by quite simply too fast for me to remember/enjoy it. A few highlights:

Friday night - Celtics game: I actually left my house to watch the first half at Rat's Pizza. This isn't the first time I've done this in the last few years, but it is the first time there's been anyone else there with the intention of watching the game. Welcome aboard my bandwagon hopping friends, there's room for all of us. Follower. The game was great, and did nothing to dilute my excitement about this season, which is bordering on the absurd right now.

Late Friday night - Hour long conversation with Hendo rave about the Celtics and how they may never lose a game, and how if possible we would both have Kevin Garnett's babies. In a normal, hetero-sexual man crush sort of way, of course.

Saturday - Portland Brew fest, or whatever the hell it's called: I seriously want to sit down with the people who organize this event and talk to them about some logistics. Like, why not do this, say, outside? Or in a building big enough so that you have a little room between booths? I mean, I like beer and all, but a three hour wait in line punctuated by beers is a bit much. (Good beer and good company or not) Whatever the case, some good beers were tasted, mainly beers that I was already familiar with, but also a few newbies as well. My top newbies were Kennebunkport Brewing Companies Taint Town Ale, and Sheepscot Brewing's Brown Ale. The worst, bar none, was that pile of organic goo from Peak Organic Brewing, which tasted like flat mildly hoppy water.

Sunday - Time Change: Nothing better than that extra hour of sleep, especially when you didn't know it was coming. Fucking right Daylight Savings Time, in the fall I don't hate you. Come spring time you can go to hell.

Sunday - Breakfast: Since I wasn't suffering from a debilitating hangover, I was able to enjoy a delicious Eggs Benny at the Port Hole. Good stuff.

Sunday - dogpark: Why Orono doesn't have a dogpark baffles me. And angers me. Anyways, since we were in the land of Port, we took the dog face to the dog park, and for once she wasn't the worst behaved dog. She may not have even been in the top five. In fact, even with mud all over the place, she somehow restrained herself from rolling around in any poop/mud mixtures. We were very proud.

Sunday - shopping times: The wifey and I had some gift certificate shopping to do, courtesy of the wedding. So we shopped around at LeRoux's in Portland, and walked away with a pasta making attachment for the Cuisanart. (Thank you Joe T.) We also hit Freeport on the way back up north. Highlight of this part was the wine and cheese store, where we picked up a Pinotage from South Africa, a Cab. Sav. from Chile, some Genova Salami, and some 5-yr aged Cheddar. The cheese was so good that I actually just dropped a wee bit of drool on the keyboard.

Sunday afternoon sports: Unthinkably enough, the Celtics were actually being broadcast on Sports talk radio, so I got to listen to that on the ride home, and got home in time to watch the 4th quarter, and most of the overtime. Comcast then decided to cut out their video feed with a few minutes left, but I was able to sort of hear Ray Allen hit a game-winning three to make the Celtics 2-0. I then switched to the Pat's/Colts game, which actually, rarely, lived up to the billing of a big game. While I'm glad the Pat's won, I'm more glad that there was actually a fun game to watch this year. I didn't see anything to convince me that either team was better than the other, and I still believe that they will both be in the AFC finals.

It's (not) a hard life after all

Happy Friday My People. It was a long time coming this week, but it's here, so enjoy your weekends. Going to the Portland Brewer's Fest this weekend, or whatever the hell it's called. I'm a bit scared of the crowds, but I'm more scared of the wrath of Liz and Major if we don't go.

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Read an interesting book yesterday, an imperfect and yet fascinating book that I can't quite seem to clear out of my mind today. Mister Pip, by Lloyd Jones, was nominated for the Man Booker Prize, and it is worthy of that, I suppose. Roughly, the book is about a small war-torn island near Australia, as seen through the eyes of a 13 year old girl named Matilda. Her mother comes from the hard-line religious school of thought, and her teacher is an agnostic/athiest white man who over the course of the novel uses Great Expectations by Charles Dickens as his core curriculum. The rough outline of the plot concerns Matilda's going back and forth between believing her mother and her teacher, all the while struggling to live in a harsh environment. In many ways, this book works, but only up to a certain point, a little over mid-way through the plot. At this point, abruptly, in the middle of the book, the plot takes a gruesomely violent turn. From this point on, everything that happens is colored by the violence Matilda has seen.

In some ways, what this book is really about is how people can identify with great writing, no matter what their life experiences are like. It's also about how two good people can be correct about opposite ends of an argument. I do wish the author had made a couple of different decisions, and I don't think some of the way the violence is described works very well.

Like I said, this is far from a perfect book. It did suck me in and carry me along, and I don't think I will forget it soon. (It's also fairly short, which didn't hurt. I'd rather have a book leave me wanting more, than have it carry on too long.)

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Big plans tonight for this guy. Gonna go home from work, take the pooch for a long walk, and clean up around the house. Once the chores are taken care of, I'm going to crack upon a book, crank some music, and drink some wine and read for a while. Come 7:30, I'm going to tune in to ESPN to check out my new-look Celtics play their first game of the season against the Wizards and Gilbert Arenas. I assume I will fall asleep on the couch by nine. Good times, good times.

They just kept laterelling...

If you haven't seen the end of the Trinity game the other day, check out this video:

Yawning through the weekend (A.K.A. the Red Sox won the World Series.)

Yay. The Red Sox win, and the world yawns. Thank god there was at least a little bit of drama last night, because I honestly can't recall a more boring World Series, ever. Look, the Red Sox won, they deserved to win. The Sox and the Indians were the two best teams this year, and whoever won that series was going to win, no matter how many games in a row the Rockies won leading into the Series. (They won those games against NL opponents, unfortunately for them.) Anyways, congratulations, and blah.

As far as the Patriots go, yesterday's game wasn't all that fun too watch either. I mean, the only drama was whether or not the Patriot's were being poor sports by running up the score at the end. Of course they were. Who cares? Billy B. may have a reputation as a genius in Boston, but everywhere else his reputation, at best, is that of an evil genius. So, he's not a nice guy. Big fucking whoop.

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Watched a couple of movies this weekend, of varying levels of suckitude.

Friday night we watched Knocked Up, which thanks to me not paying attention to the Warning, led to me having flashbacks to Senior year health class. Anyways, after watching the movie, my basic opinion is, huh? People thought this was a hilarious movie? I mean, there were funny parts, like every time Paul Rudd was onscreen, but there were general surrounded by 15 minutes of boring. I guess I just expected a bit more funny, and a bit less boring.

Saturday we watched Transformers, which while maybe 20 minutes too long, was exactly the movie I expected it to be. (And that is a good thing.) One thing you can definitely say about Michael Bay films is that they are not going to outthink themselves. (See: Armegeddon) Transformers was filled with fun, from the cheezy acting, to the great action scenes. Oh, and did I mention Meghan Fox?

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I'm going to try to keep writing at least a couple times a week, but we'll see.

Falling all over the place

Summer's finally over my friends. And you know what? I'm ready. So far, this fall has been good to me, working our way gradually into the winter. Seasonably warm days, cold nights. Just like should be the case when you live in Maine. The steadily shrinking days are going to be a problem though, as they are already starting to cramp my golfing schedule. I mean, at some point I have to go to work, right? Right?

Anyways, a few random things today.

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Read a couple good books in the last few weeks.

The Bridge of Sighs, by Richard Russo - For those who have read and enjoyed anything else by Richard Russo, this is a must read. For everyone else, I would start with Nobody's Fool or Empire Falls, both of these are better books. Still, if this is not Russo's best effort, that still makes it better than most any other books out there right now.

The Soul of Baseball by Joe Posnanski - For baseball fans, this is a must read. Joe Posnanski is one of, if not the best sports columnist out there, and this is his story about taking road trips with Buck O'Neill, a former Negro League player and manager. O'Neill loved three things, baseball, jazz, and women, and in many ways this this book serves as on ode to all three. Like I said, a great read for anyone loves baseball.

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As always, there are a bunch of new tv shows out there this year, a few of which have actually captured my attention.

Pushing Daisies - Wednesdays at 8 - Don't read any reviews of this show, as a description doesn't do it justice. Don't worry yourself about the plot, as that is largely irrelevant. This is a show about tone and look. The tone of this show is overtly light-hearted, with a dark, dark sense of humor as a backdrop. Visually, Pushing Daisies does remind me of Amelie, or of Pan's Labyrinth possibly. (If you haven't seen either of these, go rent them today.)

Life - Wednesday's at 10 - I know, I know, yet another cop show. This one throws some curveballs, and has a structure that works for me. The main character of the show, Crews, is a former cop turned convict who spent 11 years in jail for a crime he didn't commit, was found innocent, and as part of his wrongful charges settlement was reinstated as a detective. Each episode focuses both on one "smaller" crime, as well as some portion of Crews' ongoing investigation into how he was wrongly convicted. The acting is good, the writing is good, and for you Replacements fans out there, Crews' lawyer is played by none other than Brooke Langton.

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Maybe if I have time tomorrow, I'll throw something out there about the returning shows we have been watching, and how some of them better get their shit together.

An Impossible Situation

I suppose I should chime in about the Yankees situation. Thanks to Mr. Steinbrenner, the only possible success for a Yankees season is to win the World Series. While they may have won 4 out of 5 back in the late 90's, it's just not that easy to win it all. The most interesting stat from this postseason for me is the fact that 7 of 8 teams that made the playoffs this year, didn't last year. While football gets all the parity talk (somewhat deservedly thanks to their salary cap), it's baseball that has had 7 different champions in 7 years.

Anyways, getting back to this year's Yankees, according to many, this year was a failure. I'm just not sure I agree with that. It may have been the last gap of the group from the nineties, but in many ways I think was a re-building year for the Yankees. There's a real chance that next year the Yankees will have three starting pitchers who were rookies this year. Just making the playoffs with rookies carrying the weight is an achievement, never mind making up a 14 game deficit.

All that said, the thing that needs to be mentioned is that the Yankees lost because the Indians played better for four games. (Even the game the Yankees won.) They had better all around pitching, better hitting, better fielding. If they had played more games, would this have changed? I don't think so actually, I think the Indians were a better team this year. It happens sometimes.

As for next year, there is also a real chance that the Yankees will have lost ARod, Posada, Pettite and Rivera. (Honestly, at this point, losing Clemens is addition by subtraction.) Even for a team with the resources of the Yankees, that's a lot to lose. It would leave them with a team that looks something like this:

C - Me
1b - Giambi/Minkyvitch
2b - Cano
SS - El Capitan
3b - Betimit
LF - Damon/Matsui
CF - Cabrera
RF - Abreau
DH - Giambi/Damon/Matsui

SP - Wang, Hughes, Kennedy, Mussina, Chamberlain?
Closer - Chamberlain (If he is not starting)

And a mishmash of relievers who may or may not be returning. Seriously, I'd pick that team to compete against most teams. Even without ARod and Posada, they'd still score some runs. They'd miss Pettite and Rivera the most out of those two I think, by a long shot.

As for my feelings about this Yankee's team? Thanks to the wonder of mlb.com, I watched more Yankees games this year than any year since I moved to Maine. I liked watching this team. Watching rookies learn on the fly, making mistakes and great plays at equal rates, is to me one of the easiest things to root for. Red Sox fans know what I mean, after watching Pedroia, Ellsbury, Lester, and Buchholz this year.

To make a long blog short, I wasn't all that disappointed in the Yankees this year. I think they lost to a better team, and I think they battled the whole time. As a fan, I can accept that. (By the way, Red Sox fans, the Indians should scare the crap out of you. This is a good team.)

Why? Why I ask you? Why?

Q: Why can't I write more often?

A: Because I am a boring sack of shit.

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So. Since the last time we talked, I have done nothing that is remotely interesting to anybody, especially myself. Unless you count finally running my speaker wires through the basement so that I could stop constantly tripping on them.

I haven't been reading, or watching movies recently, as I've simply been brain dead. The wifey tried to talk to me last night, and I quite honestly didn't even know it was happening.

It could be the heat, I suppose, but while it is unseasonably warm for this time of year, its not so hot that I should actually be suffering mental consequences.

It could be work, which has certainly been busy enough to wear out the old cranium.

Dunno what it is, but I need a nap, and I am hours and hours from the ability to take one. Unless of course, I pull a Costanza.

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Quick congratulations go out to the Goose and Danielle, who celebrated the arrival of their second baby the other day.

quickly confidential

Not a ton of time today, so just a quick book recommendation. I just finished reading L.A. Confidential, by James Ellroy. Apparently it was the third in a series of four books, but you don't need to have read the other ones to read this one. If you liked the movie, I would highly recommend the book. There are definitely some similarities, but they are more in the rough character outlines than in the plot points. (Which was nice actually, as I didn't know what was coming next, not that the plot twists were the hardest to decipher.) Anyways, the casting of the movie was done so well, that all the descriptions of the characters fit those cast to play them in the movie.

Not necessarily a quick read, as it took some time for me to get used to the changes in narrators, but not a hard read either.

There might be more later today if I have time, we'll see.

The Return of Football Sunday

Or... An excuse to take naps, resumed.

Football gets much PR nowadays as the "New" American Pasttime. While I personally think this is a criminal reflection of the ever-shortening American attention span, and a reflection of the fact that there are only 16 games in the regular season, there is an undeniable draw to the first weekend of real football. I am not one of those people who are so desperate for something to do that they would deign to watch Pre-Season Football.

But really, there are only three real reasons to enjoy football.

1. Sunday afternoon nap time baby. I love my Sunday afternoon naps in the fall. In fact, I can't remember the last football game I watched all the way through without at least a little bit of shut-eye.
2. Fantasy football. There's nothing to make a bad football game interesting like the fact that your defense is getting the shit kicked out of it by Eli Manning. Not like this just happened to me last weekend or anything. Seriously, if you can't stop Eli, Dallas Defense, we may have to go our separate ways. America's team my ass.
3. Gambling. The not so hidden secret behind football's success. Can you think of another sport that routinely makes as big of a deal about point spreads and over/unders? Oh, you thought those were just for fun? Let me tell you another one: The NCAA Men's BB Tournament is a big deal because people enjoy the level of competition.
   

I suppose there are people out there who watch the games for the lure of the violence and mayhem, but to be honest, I get enough violence just taking the dogface for a walk. Seriously, the mutt can pull pretty hard.

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In case you can't tell, I'm not the biggest football fan in the world. I do like the Patriot's I suppose, but not in nearly the same way in which I am a fan of either the Celtics or the Yankees. Still, this Sunday was a difficult weekend for me, testing my team loyalties against my fantasy team needs. The team I was facing had both Brady and Moss, and my team had Jerricho Cotherie of the Jets. Needless to say, I'm getting the shit kicked out of me. How did I resolve my loyalty conflict?

By napping. I do, after all, have my priorities.

Sadly, getting older. Much, much, older.

Had a big Friday night last night. Played 18 holes, terribly. Got home, met up with the wifey, and went out to Pats, had a beer and a lard-ridden pizza. Came home, drank some wine, and put in Pirates of the Caribbean Two: I'm back for more cash. Actually it was called something else, but after watching the first half hour of those mailed in, lifeless "performances", the wifey and I decided it would be best to watch something, anything, else.

We flipped around through the tv/tivo for a bit, watching some random shows, and checking in on the Red Sox game. (<--- Jacob Ellsbury? Fast.)

Soon enough, we were tired and ready to go to bed. It was nine o'clock.

Wait, WHAT?

When the fuck did this happen?

NINE O'CLOCK?!?!?!?!

Lame. Lame. Lame.

I'd like to say we realized our lameness and decided to go out. We didn't. I finished my glass of wine, (and the wifey's too, for that matter) and went to read in bed. When I woke up, I was 65 years old.

Now he's really The Natural

In the some stories are too good to be true department, I bring you Rick Ankiel.

For those of you who are unfamiliar, Rick Ankiel was brought up in the Cardinal's organization as a flame throwing left handed pitcher when he was 20 years old. He tore up the league, right up until the NLCS when he all of a sudden couldn't throw a strike.

I mean, literally, could not throw a strike. Ever.

Everyone thought he'd get over it, but he never did. So much so, that they sent him down to the minor leagues, where everyone thought he was done. But, in a Disney story come true, Ankiel converted to an outfielder two years ago. He was called up earlier this season, and improbably has been tearing up the league. His extended stats if he had played a full season would like Ruthian, something like 65 home runs, 15o rbi, that sort of thing. Last night, he had perhaps his best game, with two home runs and 7 rbi in a Cardinals win over the Pirates. Baseball writers all over the place were falling all over themselves making references to Roy Hobbs - Rick Ankiel, The Natural part Deux.

This morning, he woke up to headlines in the New York Daily News that he is accused of buying a year's worth of HGH (Human Growth Hormone). In other words, the Natural? Mebbe not.

Or wait a second..

In the movie The Natural, Roy Hobbs is played by Robert Redford as a Iowa farm boy who is a little too good to be true. Once a pitcher, he comes back as a slugger later in life following an incident involving a lady in black on a train. He comes back as a dominant slugger, who buoys the NY Knights to the pennant. Gamblers try to pay him off, but he loves baseball too much and just can't do it.

In the book, the story falls a little differently. Roy Hobbs in Bernard Malamud's The Natural, is a creature who falls victim to his own immense appetites. He gorges himself in women and food throughout the book, but his natural talent as a player carries him. Still, he is portrayed as a brutish, immoralist character, hardly one likely to be played by Robert Redford. In the end of the book, Malamud's Hobbs is guilty of throwing the game. One of the last lines of the book is from a small child who sees Hobbs after he is found guilty of conspiracy, and says "Say it ain't so Roy."

So maybe there are some more real parallels between Roy Hobbs and Rick Ankiel after all. Unfortunately for Ankiel, and for us, the parallels were between a literary Hobbs, and not the film one.

How to win the lottery without really trying

Unfortunately, my current retirement plan involves winning the lottery. (My previous one involved a sugar mama.) Equally unfortunately, I've never bought a lottery ticket. I've probably played about ten scratch off tickets in my life, and won nothing. So... Does this make my odds of winning the lottery greater or lesser?

It's become clear to me that the path to riches doesn't seem to include working at a non-profit in education. Who knew?

So I need a knew plan. Possibly I should rob banks? There are enough tall, skinny people with glasses around, maybe they'd never find me. Maybe I should become a politician. That seems to be the first step to becoming a dirty politician, and all the graft that goes along with that. Hey, it worked for Dick Cheney, didn't it? I could invent the next pet rock, but that would require at least the slightest bit of creativity, and quite frankly, I'm fresh out.

Anyone have any ideas? I'm willing to share a significant (say.. 3%?) percentage of value for anyone who can make me unimaginably wealthy, so I can just spend my days lounging in the Caribbean with no plans that don't involve umbrella drinks.

Anyone?

The bestest part about long weekends

Just time for a quickie today.

It's hard to say what the best part about long weekends is. It could be the simple fact that it's three days as opposed to two. That's nice. It could be that I don't have to work on a Monday. Which is also nice. (Although let's be honest, I don't get shit done on Monday's. Or Fridays. I should be on a three day a week schedule.)

The best part though, is when you forget that today is Tuesday and not Monday, and then all of a sudden remember and get to think to yourself, "One day closer to the weekend, fuckin' A right." God I love those moments. I've had a handful today.

(Is this a sign that I hate my job? Or just that I hate working, period? I am so ready for retirement.

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A good use of technology:

My local library, the Orono Town library, has a search engine on their website where I can search for and reserve books. Simple, easy, and effective. Also, another way I can avoid talking to people face to face unless absolutely necessary. Which is what Technology's all about, right?

A couple big important things

First off, happy Birthday Major. Yes, I know it was last week, but "better late than never" has been kind of a running theme for this blog. I heard lots of fun times were had by the ladies Friday night while celebrating. I heard this repeatedly actually, as I got a few phone calls that night with updates.

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So I'm just getting out of one of my busiest weeks of work in a while. Stupid work and it's throwing a cramp in my play schedule. Spent way, way too much time on a laptop this week, so needless to say I couldn't seem to get together the motivation to write at all. My schedule should open up a bit from here on out, so I'll see what I can do it about writing more. No promises though.

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School's back in session, which means two things. One, the wifey is definitely out of fun mode, and into "Educating our Young" mode, which means waking up at 5:30 every morning. For her, not me. Fuck that, if I was in charge, our young wouldn't get educated until mid-afternoon.

It also means that the students have started piling back into campus. It's a mixed blessing, really. They certainly bring more energy to the town, and they also dilute the percentage of self-righteous assholes. Parking spots quite simply disappear, and the bad driving factor multiplies exponentially. Also, I feel older every year. I know I've probably said it before, but I really do think the freshman look like children this year. I swear to god I saw a 12 year old moving into the dorms on Friday. I never, ever, looked that young. Except for maybe when I was 12.

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Good article this morning in the Kansas City Star, by Joe Posnanski. (<--- Spelling uncertain, but like you care.) I'd say this guys one of the best sports columnists in America right now. For more proof, check out his blog The Soul of Baseball. He's not updating the blog right now, but there is a ton of great articles about baseball, movies, and other random things. If you're looking to kill some time, check some of them out.

Saturday Morning Cartoons

Whatever happened to Saturday morning cartoons? I remember growing up, I loved the cartoon section. Maybe even more than the Sports section. Maybe it was just that I loved Calvin and Hobbes. Man that was some funny shit. I mean, does it get any funnier than this?








Maybe, this?








Or this.









Nowadays, there just isn't that much to look forward to in the comics anymore. Maybe Shoe will come up with something great like this:







Or maybe Dilbert will somehow manage to perfectly capture my life in some way that makes me life while almost crying, such as this:








Most likely though, I'll accidentally read Family Circle (As perfectly captured in the movie Go, which for some reason I can't find a clip of on Youtube...), or Lucy, or any of the other piles of suck that pass for comics these days, and end up trying to scrape my eyeballs out with my cereal spoon. Is it me? Or is the papers? I'd like to think it's the papers, but it's not impossible that I'm souring in my old age.

Yowzah

Despite the fears of Mrs. T, Joey T gave his first Triathlon a shot this weekend. (Placing number 111) Hell, I ran three steps the other day and pulled up lame. Nice work Joey, now get to work on that pig roast so you can put a little more fat on.

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Monday, schmonday. The boss is back at work today, which has already caused me to have to pay attention to my job today. (Which, obviously, is BS. I'm going to pull the JR and only use initials for curses for a while. Let's see how long that lasts.) Whenever my boss is out of the office for a long stretch (this time, for over about a month) it's a mixed blessing. I tend to get more done while he's gone, but then he comes back and I have to spend the first couple days justifying everything that happened while he was gone. Let's just say the frustration factor is high. Is it Friday yet?

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Currently reading: Underworld by Don Delillo. Interesting book, but not necessarily fast going. Doesn't help that the f'er is about a thousand f'ing pages. I've heard DeLillo's writings to be called "overstylized" and I guess I can see where that's coming from, but so far I'm enjoying it.

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In important breaking news, Robert Plant was born on this date in 1948.

Frank Caliendo does Seinfeld

If you like Seinfeld, you have no choice but to check this out. Frank Caliendo is a Genius.

it's summertime, and the living is quesy

I'm sitting on my couch, drinking a Blue Moon Summer Ale (<--- Delicioso), watching the the METS and El Duque match up against John Smoltz and the Braves. As much as I've always found the Braves to be mind numbingly boring, although this year I have John Smoltz on my Fantasy team so I've found myself actually watching a few games.

So... Some things are right in the world. Baseball in the summer, beer in the hand, life is good. Unfortunately, next to me a storm cloud is gathering.

Yup.

The wifey is writing thank you notes.

Now, there are very rarely times when I'm not glad to be a man. Never have I been more glad though, then during the planning for the wedding. Quite simply, men have it easy during wedding planning. Real easy. My entire job consisted of making sure that there was enough wine in the house to get the soon to be wifey through all of the trials and tribulations of being a bride. (Now, that was no small amount of wine, but still, not a hard job. Figuring out where to seat everyone so that everyone would be happy? Harder job. Wine helped though.)

Anyways, the wifey is writing thank you notes. It's a little scary, and she keeps stealing my beer. And she's only on the third note.

So the wifey is writing notes, and while I'm being supportive-ish, my brother is spooning the dogface on the other couch. Honestly, I think they're going to have puppies soon. (They do make quite a cute couple, actually.) What would you call that? An Irish/ Italian/ English/ Scottish/ Boxer/ German Shephard? Probably couldn't give those puppies away. They would certainly be stubborn as hell.

Anyways, I think I have to go hide now.

Some summer reading, maybe a bit late

So some great big important news to start off this day: Goods is back, at a new location. He starts his comeback with a post, that, umm, just announces his comeback. I'm assuming there will be more to come soon.

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I've been reading a bunch this summer, some books have certainly been better than others. If you've read anything good this summer, go ahead and throw it in the comments section. Goody, this would exclude your php manuals and how to make babies books.

The Winter of Frankie Machine by Don Winslow
This is hardly the first mob/detective novel out there, but it might be the first surfing/detective/mob hitman story out there. This is the perfect book for the a beach blanket, light, interesting, and a quick read.

A Dirty Job by Christopher Moore
If you haven't read any books by Christopher Moore, I'm not sure this is the first one I would recommend. Either Lamb, the Gospel according to Biff Christ's Childhood Pal or Bloodsucking Fiends would be a better starting point. Moore writes fantastical stories with outlandish plot lines, yet somehow recognizable characters. In A Dirty Job, the main character, who is basically "your average Joe", becomes Death. Funny and zany situations ensue.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by J.K. Rowling
For those who haven't gotten in on the Harry Potter phenomenon, I understand. You're not a child, you don't like fantasy books, blah, blah. But seriously, give it a shot. These are fun, energetic books that whir by. I think it took me about 5 hours to read this last one, and it was a fun five hours. And the characters? Let's just say that most literary works don't have characters with this many shades of grey.

Shutter Island by Dennis Lehane
Dennis Lehane is the author of Mystic River, which was a good book but was actually a better movie. He also has a series of five books out that feature the same two characters in a Spenser for Hire sort of vibe. These are all good enough books, well worth a read if you like those sort of books. In my opinion, Shutter Island was his best. It starts out as a murder/mystery based in the 1950's, and becomes, well, more. I don't want to ruin any of the details, but let's just say that by the end of the book, any surprise or shock that you feel has been earned.

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Don't worry Goody, next time I'll write about something with moving pictures.

A question of Bandwagons...

OK, here's a quick question for you all.

I have a dilemna. (Goody, just so you know, a dilemna is defined as a problem with more than one solution. I mean answer. Sorry, I'll try to stay from the big words.)

So I have a problem with more than one answer. (Is that better Goody?)

I need a new Celtics hat. Not because they signed Garnett, but because I have officially sweated through the old one, and it is kind of disgusting. My problem is, I really don't want to be identified as a bandwagon fan. So should I wait a while and then buy a new hat? Buy a new hat and just deal with the grief from bandwagon fans? (If there are any.)

Help me Obi Wan, you're my only hope.

Landmark Weekend

Big weekend in sports landmarks my peeps. Arod hits 500, Bonds ties Aaron, and Tom Glavine wins 300. Also, Tiger Woods made Rory Sabbatini his bitch.

Woo hoo.

The correct, and predictable reaction, to the first two was a collective yawn. (Or more accurately, a "well at least that's taken care of.") Nobody seems to think 500 homeruns will be the biggest achievement of ARod's career, nor does anybody think that Bonds hit 755 without some, well, artificial assistance.

Hell, everybody seems to think that it's just a matter of time before ARod breaks any record that Bonds sets. You'd think a quick flashback to the mid nineties and Griffey Jr. would be enough for people to remember that breaking records of longevity are not sure things, but whatever. I have to be honest, I just don't care. At all. Personally, home runs are about my least favorite thing to watch in baseball. I'd rather watch a triple or an inside the park home run any day. (Favorite play in baseball: The straight steal of home.)

Tom Glavine's achievement interests me a bit. Mostly because I've always thought that Glavine is one of those professional athlete's who gets absolutely no credit for being a good athlete. He was drafted in the 4th round of the NHL draft, which has to count for something. (I mean, in 1984 that counted for something. Doesn't really count for anything now, sorry hockey fans. All three of you.) That and the fact that we were born in the same town, and one of my neighbors was actually his HS teacher. Other than that, I honestly couldn't care less.

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Did anything else interesting happen this weekend? Does me taking back the recycling count? How about mowing the lawn? Does that count?

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How sad is that I am anxiously awaiting the start of Celtics season. I mean, I know it's sad, but is it Real Sad, Really Really Sad, or just simply Pathetic? It's certainly somewhere in there.

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Also, was this the most boring blog ever? Might have been, might have been.

Buckets and Buckets of Sweaty Goodness

Title = My new nickname.

Seriously, I work at a computer. It shouldn't make me sweat. As I type this, my fingers are slipping off of the keys because they are a bit slimy and sweaty.

I am one hot bitch. Damn I'm attractive.

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So, umm, this heat is really getting to me. I made the wifey cut all my hair off. It was getting too long anyways, so I figured it was time to make my head a bit more, shall we say, aerodynamic. Yee haw.

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I need Gold Bond.

Bad.

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What I wouldn't give for a sweet, sweet beer right now. Only a cold Corona (or even better, a Land Shark) could possibly keep my brains from boiling inside my big fat skull.

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I want to make sweet, sexy times with a glacier. Seriously, do you think the wifey would be jealous if I humped an iceburg? Do you think this is how Frosty the Snowman came into being?

This day can't end fast enough.

Welly well now

Good times Mondays are. Good times. Yes Yoda, good times Mondays are.

So. Let's talk about this weekend.

On second thought, lets not. I think today we should concentrate on a most amazing discovery made Friday night. Jimmy Buffett, yes, that Jimmy Buffett, has created his own beer, called Land Shark. Not surprisingly, it is very Corona-ish. In a not unrelated discovery, vicious hangovers are possible when you accidentally drink a bars supply of a new beer.

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As you last few Celtics fans out there may know, today has been a frenzy of hitting refresh on celticsblog, waiting breathlessly to hear the latest Kevin Garnett rumor. The last rumor that I heard had the Celts giving up Al Jefferson, Gerald Green, Ryan Gomes, Sebastian Telfair, Theo Ratliff, and two picks for Garnett. That's a ton to give up, but I still think you make the deal. A core of Paul Pierce, Ray Allen, Kevin Garnett, and Rajon Rondo, no matter who the other players on the team are, would compete at the very least for the Eastern Conference Champs. Can't wait for all the other "Celtics" fans to come out of the woodworks. (Just like I became a Pats fan around the Brady era...)

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This fucking heat is killing me. Believe it or not, it's making me even crankier than I always am. Yes, this is when you should start feeling bad for the wifey.

Batshit Crazy singer girl

No, I'm not talking about anyone you know. And certainly not anyone that any of us have dated.

Nope. I'm talking about a certifiably nuts girl who has put out an album that I simply can not stop listening to. Amy Winehouse's "Back to Black" is a great listen.. So long as you can get by the fact that the artist is going to end up in an insane asylum sooner rather than later. As I don't really listen to live radio all that often, I'm pretty often the last to hear of new artists. I had never heard of Amy Winehouse until she was on the front page of Rolling Stone. (Yes, I'm one of the last who still subscribe to RS. Shut up.) In the article, well, let's just say that she comes off as fairly nutso. In a "cutter", raging alcoholic, seriously mentally unstable, cross to the other side of the street when you see her sort of way.

Hearing the names of her songs did nothing to make me run out and buy her album. They sounded like typical weepy pop schmaltz of the oh no my boyfriend's left me variety.

Then I heard a couple of her songs, and was blown away. True, the lyrics are definitely of the typical weepy pop schmaltz of the oh no my boyfriend's left me variety, with the addition that she throws in the fact that she basically is drinking away all pain. And that everyone she knows wants her to go to rehab. So the lyrics are at best unimpressive. The voice though. Holy shit can this girl sing. She sounds like a cross between Macy Gray and Stevie Nicks, if they smoked a pack a day and drank way too much whiskey. Seriously, the voice is worth listening to, so long as you aren't bothered by the fact that these songs will be exhibit A on Amy Winehouse's VH1 Behind the Music any day now.

You heard it hear, well, not first.

Am I back? Am I really, really back?

Maybe.

See, the problem is, it's Monday and I'm already out of things to write about. Fucking lame ass life and it's no story lines.

Part of my problem is, not surprisingly, exhaustion. I just got back at it again after 3 weeks off, the first time since I was 14 that I had that much time off. I enjoyed my time off. Really, really enjoyed my time off. Forcing myself to work again has been a grind.

See, our honeymoon spoiled the shit out of me. We went to one of those all-inclusive places in Mexico where they wait on you hand and foot, bringing you drinks, food, or anything else you want at all hours of the day. Instead of spending my days staring bleary eyed into a computer screen, I spent my days lazing by or in the pool, drinking Don Julio margaritas. If I was feeling powerfully motivated, I would play beach volleyball in the afternoon. Our hardest decision for seven days was, which restaurant should we go to, followed by should we go to the pool or the beach? (Actually the most difficult part of the trip was the toplessness of the sun bathing. Boobies were everywhere. And trust me, most of them were boobies that should have been left well under wraps. I felt like putting on my shirt in protest.)

So.. Needless to say re-adjusting myself to alarm clocks and deadlines has been a bit, well, shitty. Maybe it's time for another vacation.

Well. At least THAT'S done with

So my many legions of fans have been knocking down my door screaming for more bloggity blog. While in the lead up to the wedding and it's aftermath (also known as a honeymoon), I was in no real shape to write anything even remotely entertaining. Unless you consider my slow disintegration into a babbling, drooling mess entertaining. (And yes, I know that most of you would be perfectly entertained by this. And I love you for it.)

So. The wedding. It's a weird thing being at your own wedding. There's really no way to prepare for it I guess, but it was still not like anything I expected. I was never really nervous, never had cold feet or anything like that. I was ready for a beer by the time we got mid way through the picture taking, but that's about it. Once we got to the reception it was really nothing but fun.

The only problem for me was that I didn't get a chance to hang out with some people as much as I wanted to. I didn't particularly feel like there was anyone I didn't see though. (Except the wifey. I couldn't keep up with her if my life depended on it. Everytime I almost caught up with her, someone would start talking to me, and I'd look up and she was on the other side of the room again. A lesser man than myself might have started to get a complex.)

People talk about how they can't remember things about their wedding, that it happened too fast. For me, that really wasn't the case. Things certainly weren't going by too quickly. Actually, it sometimes seemed like time wasn't moving at all. I'd like down at my phone for a time check, and it would be five minutes after the last time I checked, instead of the hours it felt like. When people started leaving, and it was time to go back to the hotel, it felt like about the right time.

As far as remembering things, I have plenty of vivid memories. (Some are a little too vivid, like John's vest/tie combo back at the hotel, followed by several tie/skin combos exhibited by several people. I think I just threw up in my mouth.)

But to be honest, almost all of the stress leading up to the wedding was worth it. We had a great time, and it seemed like everybody else did too. Thank god, because we thought that we had the real potential for a fuck show at a couple different points.

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I'll write about the honeymoon another time. Let's just say that couples only/ all-inclusive is a great thing. Waiting for lines at Customs/Security/Check-in on the way back? Not as great of a thing.

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So I'm back. Am I better than ever? Doubt it. Am I about the same? That's what it feels like to me right now, but I'm only in my second day back on the job. I still haven't adjusted to the ring on my finger, but the married part of it seems about the same. I still don't get to make any of my own decisions, and it's yet to be seen if God loves us anymore now that we are no longer living in sin. The wifey seems to be adapting to the new last name just fine, and no, we aren't becoming baby factories yet.

You stink and you smell and you look ridiculous

Hmm

Looks like it's time for one of those, gee I really meant to write, I just haven't had the time, and oh I'm so soo Sorry posts. Seems like they're getting to be a habit, so I'll just refer you to my post from February 07, or December 06, or September 06, or.... let's just say the list is long.

Look. I'm a creature of routine. I'll write every day, so long as I write every day. The moment something comes up that stops me from writing for a day or two, BAM done for a week, or a month. This applies to everything else in my life. Meals, exercising, breathing, name it. OK, don't.

So. Anyways, I'll see if I can keep it up for a bit now that I should be back on a regularly routine schedule for the next month or so. If you don't see something tomorrow though, just remind me and I'll see if I can avoid waiting until May to write again.

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For those of you who were/are fans of "Whose Line is it Anyways?" there's a new show out there: "Thank God You're Here." There were two episodes on last night, and the first one was laugh out loud funny almost all the way through, and the second one was closer to kind of funny the whole way through. Still better odds than most of the pieces of shite that pass for comedy these days.

That's it for today. I'm open for suggestions as to future topics. I have a few things that I've been meaning to write about that I'll get to over the course of the next couple days, but most of them are more comments that aren't really worth a whole entry. So I might just take care of them all at once on Friday, or I might spread them out. Either way, if you have any ideas let me know.

Whirlwind weekend

Oh Monday, Monday, Monday. You piece of shit whore you.

Seems more and more all the time like I close my eyes for a brief "only resting my eyes it's not really a nap" nap at work on Friday afternoon, and I wake up and it's Monday morning, and back to the grind. Sigh. So sad, so sad.

Saturday was a whirlwind filled with epic, enchilada and Guiness fueled drunkenness, topped by a vicious hangover on Sunday. Ugh. So sad, so sad.

More about the drunkenness later, but first the enchiladas. Perfectly crispy on the outside, full of cheesy and meaty goodness on the inside, these were primo enchiladas. Nice work Miss Major.

Saturday started off fine, with some coffee and lounging around in the early morning. Mimosas followed, and led gradually into Guiness and Enchiladas. (A combination that should be tried by all.) In the back of my mind I was pacing myself constantly, reminding myself that St. Patrick's Day is a marathon, not a sprint. By the time we left for the bars at around 3ish, I had nursed my way though maybe three beers and a couple of mimosas. So far so good.

Then we get to the bar, where the crowd is raucous with drunkenness and a weird, somewhat angry energy. RiRa's is packed to the rafters with boozers, and it seems like everyone wants a Guiness at once. Being an idiot, I forget my plan to pace myself and decide the only way to deal the lines is to order two beers at once. A great idea in theory, right? Wrong. Lesson number 1: Beer in hand will be drank at the same pace whether or not it's one beer or two.

Fast forward several hours, and I am a slobbery, drunken mess. Fast forward several more hours, and we are home again, scarfing enchiladas and lapsing into food comas that gradually slip into a night's sleep. Lesson number two: After eating enchiladas and drinking beer all night, it is very, very important to brush your teeth.

Woke up with a vague feeling of disorientation, plus a smell coming from my mouth could only be described as rancid. I vaguely suspect that a buzzard has pooped in my mouth. God damn you buzzard! You mouth shitter you!

First things first, I need to move, but can't. Lesson Number three: The heaviest object on an air mattress will actually be sleeping on the floor.

Some time later, I've managed to stand up, and make my way to the first of many trips to the bathroom. I contemplate pulling the trigger, but don't. Largely due to the fact that I'm afraid I will actually puke up my small intestine, and that would be embarrassing.

Fast forward ahead ten hours or so, and my almost wife and I have finally completed the extremely dangerous trek back to the north. Dangerous because of the wind, and dangerous because I was using toothpicks to prop open my eyes. Plus, despite multiple scrubbings of my teeth, the air inside my car was getting a little thick. Let's just say that every time we stopped I kept looking to see if the dogface had shit herself. She hadn't. Goddamn you buzzard.

Goddamn you buzzard.

Clearly UMaine doesn't get it

So much for the faint glimmer of optimism.

Sitting at the sports bar last night, watching the news. Headline story? Not anything about peace marches or Alberto Gonzalez's lying ass. Nope. Headline story for the local news was the fact that UMaine has sold the rights for radio broadcasts of sporting events to Clearchannel. For financial reasons, supposedly. Never mind the fact that the radio station that held the rights for year did a pretty decent job. Never mind the fact that the owner of said radio station is Stephen King, one of the biggest doners to UMaine. Oh, and apparently Mr. King was rightfully bullshit mad. So long big donor to UMaine.

Pay a little attention to the fact that UMaine has once again sold their soul in a short sighted cash grab. Once again, UMaine is ignoring the fact that they should be supporting local industry, not the media conglomorate with no actual interest in anything local.

You would think Clear Channel bid more at least. Nope. There was no real bid. Just the promise of being on in more areas. That's not the point. Nor is it really the point that UMaine should be trying to get along with Stephen King. Although, for all the altruism that King has shown the University, it wouldn't have bothered me if that was at least a factor. Nope. The point is, as it was with the Coke deal ten years ago, once again UMaine has made an assanine, short-sighted deal, for no real reason.

Looks like President Kennedy is no more forward looking than President Hoff.

Fighting off generation apathy

A little bit of everything today my people. I got back in from DC yesterday afternoon, bleary eyed as hell after 4 days of arguing, debating, and staying up too late. No, it wasn't a flashback to York Hall. Nope, I was engaging in the political process. Every year, representatives of the programs I work for come from every state, and many islands, to DC. We meet for three days, combing leadership training with political analysis (by actual experts, not me.) On the fourth day, we go to the hill and meet with our legislators, bringing alumni from programs, as well as key issues affecting us. It's an exhausting yet rewarding experience, that in my case gives me some much needed faith in the political process, while still souring me on parts of the process. I talk enough about the politics of things that bother me though, so today is going to be in the vein of John's Notpocalypse.

The visits
In Maine, we are lucky when it comes to the programs that I work for. All of our members of Congress are big supporters of our programs, especially Senator Collins, who has been a big voice in maintaining our status after the budget cuts of the past few years. This year, she is co-sponsoring a letter once again, this time asking for an increase to help make up for the flat funding of the last years. During our visit she was on the floor, defending a bill. Her staff brought us down to the little room adjascent to the Senate Hearing room (this is the room you see in C-Span as you channel surf), and she took the time to come in and talk to us for a bit. Say what you want about any legislator, but it's amazing how fast they have to shift gears. Within 15 minutes, Senator Collins was having detailed conversations about rights for Firefighters, education issues for low-income students, and immigration rights. (Coherently no less.) Needless to say, I can't ever write a three paragraph blog entry coherently.

One other thing that was impressive about the visits was how relatively easy they were to schedule. In Maine anyways. Some other states tell of getting the run around, or having never met with their legislators. For us, it was simply a matter of calling up the office and asking nicely. When they weren't as familiar with us, they asked for more information first. That seems fair. The whole time we were in the offices, there was a constant stream of people. Some were basically lobbyists, like us, but others were families visiting from Maine or aides from other offices. Without fail, everyone was dealt with at the least politely.

The Aides
One of the most impressive things about visiting the offices of any legislator, is the aides. Generally, they range in age from 20 - 25. There are usually an aid or two that are a bit older, like the Chief of Staffs and that sort. Still, the average age has to be under 25. They work crazy hours, and get paid next to nothing. (Especially when you take into account that they live in DC, one of if not the most expensive cities in the US.)

And you know what? They all seem to love their jobs. Sure, it looks good on a law school application to have worked in a Senators office. But that alone couldn't explain it. Most of these people excelled in college, and could most likely get any job or into most schools. Many, I'm sure, are interested in eventually running for an office themselves. In talking to one of the aides, it was very interesting. She was talking about how she liked working on the education issues, because it was exciting. Exciting to work on important issues.

Could it be that it's not our whole generation that's suffering from apathy? Watching the aides in the offices, and the other young people that were out, like myself, lobbying for education issues, while on vacation time, I felt, for just a moment like there might be some hope for our future. Not a ton of hope maybe, but even the slightest glimmer of hope is an improvement for me.

Jobs just don't seem to be getting any better

Big plans this afternoon my people. Once again, we are celebrating the end of a job for Jason. Pretty sure we've done this three times this year already, but whatever. If that's what it takes to get us out of the house, that's what it takes.

Some people it appears, have a natural optimism that the next job will be the best one. Me? Not so much. In order, I've been a lawnmower, a babysitter, an umpire, a lifeguard, a librarian, a worker on an assembly line, free lance writer, project manager? (yeah, what was that I did at ASAP again?), and now I suppose I am basically a database and web designer. If I were to rank those jobs in order for enjoyment, I think it would go a little something like this:

1. Lifeguard - Seriously, it doesn't get much better than this.
   
2. Whatever it was I did at ASAP. Web design, project planning, writing grants, it was probably the perfect job for me at the perfect time. Even if I had to put up with Goody's shit way too often.
   
3. Free lance writer (Started working in their office in Princeton, and then continued on from Orono. Pretty interesting and well paying job, basically I had to do research on foreign countries and write travel reports for businessman and expatriates living on those countries.
   
4. Current job
   
5. Librarian - Not a bad job really, at least I don't think so. Honestly, one of the only things I remember about this job was Luke coming in and harrassing me with his mad up dance - The Library Shuffle.
6. Assembly Line worker - A friends father got me a job boxing boxes. The work was completely and utterly mind numbingly boring, plus there was the added bonus that I had to be on the line at 7, and with NJ rush hour traffic it used to take me an hour to get there. The saving grace was that I was the only one on the line with a full grasp of English, and trying to talk to everyone else was just interesting enough to keep me from going fully crazy.
   
7. lawnmower - Boring, boring, boring.
   
8. umpire - Little league parents are just barely human beings.
   
9. baby sitter - Let's just say that shitty diapers make this last by a long shot.

Barring the possibility that someone is going to pay me big bucks to lie in the sun and work on my tan, I'd say that I've already had my best job. In fact, looking back at that list, I'd be shocked if any jobs that I might have in the future might make the top 3.

A bit depressing really, but I have a sneaking suspicion that a lot of other people aren't currently working a "top three" job. Hell, with Jason, just cracking his five for this year is hard enough.

Handicapping the candidates..

Has there ever been an election, even at the early state of this election, with so many legitimate candidates that would be precedent setting? Feasibly, in January 2009, we could be introduced to our first woman President, or the first African-American president, or the first Hispanic President. (Hey, we've even got a Mormon running this time! How cute.) This in a country that has only had one president who wasn't a male, white, and Protestant. (That would be JFK, the only Catholic president we've ever had. And it's not as if he was an outsider.) We've had female candidates before, and we've had black candidates before. Hell, we've even had black female candidates before.

So this must be progress, right? Is this another of John's notpocalypse's? I'm just not sure. Race has certainly been an issue for Barack Obama. Oddly, he has been accused of being "too white." It's not a big stretch to see that what he is really being called is an "Uncle Tom." I'd hardly consider that a sign of any sort of progress.

So is it progress in gender relations that Hillary Clinton is a viable candidate for President? Possibly. There have been powerful woman politicians for some time. (For example, Margaret Chase Smith, whose portraits are all over the Senate House, and, by the way, who was also a candidate for President at one point.) I think in evaluating Hillary Clinton's candidacy as progress, you need to look, at least in part, at the way she is covered in the press. In my mind, Hillary gets a tough go of it in the press, especially in regards to her personality. Hillary is often referred to as cold, or vicious; i.e. bitchy. Male candidates with relatively similar personality issues (driven, stubborn, bad temper) include, well, most of the candidates for president. Still, Clinton has managed to at least somewhat be seen on her own as a political figure. No small achievement considering the size of the shadow cast by her husband. This alone should probably be considered some progress.

So does the makeup of the candidates serve as a sign of progress in this country? Maybe. Real progress will be seen when it's not newsworthy that we have minority candidates or female candidates. Color me as one person who will still be shocked if we end up in 2009 with anyone who doesn't fit the standard of straight, married, upperclass protestant male.

Feeling a little crazy here

Someday I'm going to write about the good things about my job. There are a few good things mixed in with all day to day shit that drives me crazy. Someday I'll complile a list and write about them. Someday.

One of the weirder things about working where I work is most noticeable this time of year. In most offices around the US, I imagine people are starting to get excited about basketball. You know, March Madness? The small little college basketball tournament which just so happens to be the biggest gambling event of every year?

I would imagine soon there will be office pools being passed around, daily commiserating at the water cooler about Cincinatti's (or know K-State's) surprising early round loss, and shared excitement about this year's George Mason. Not so much in my office. In fact, I'm pretty sure that I'm the only person in my office that has even heard of Kevin Durant, Joachim Noah, or Greg Oden. (In a related story, I am also the only Celtics fan in the office.)

Nope. No sports in this office. If you want to hold a conversation with people in this office, it better be about babies, politics, or the rising price of gas. (Of course, everyone checks in daily on the status of the wedding planning. This, they understand.) Needless to say, talking about fantasy sports is a no go.

As I haven't been fired or quit my job yet, looks like I should be prepared for another March Madness of cheering alone in my office, sadly watching scores scroll by on the ESPN score updater thingy, letting out barely audible wahoos whenever there's an upset. Sweetness.

Don't look know...

No grab bag on Friday, I was too busy not working and nursing a small to medium sized hangover to do write anything. Remember hearing rumors about UMaine not cancelling classes? Falsehoods. Might have been try when everyone who went to school there lived there, but nowadays UMaine cancels classes like a high school. So, as of 3 o'clock on Thursday I knew I wouldn't have to work on Friday. Also, there is a new sports bar in town. Add those two things together and smush them around a bit, and you can figure out what my Thursday night was like.

The rest of my enforced long weekend was good, but not as eventful. See, we're old. Going out two times in a weekend isn't really recommended anymore. Might cause intestinal problems, not to mention irrecoverable hangovers.

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Don't look now, but the Celts can't lose. Way to play your way out of last place! I get shit for it, but I still have optimism for this team. Add one more star, and this is a team that compete in the East. Shut up Jason, I can hear you snickering from here.

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Went up to camp on Sunday. We're getting a fair amount of work done, so it was time to check it out. Check out the pics below.

A new arrival

Well now.

The campaign is off to a slightly rocky start, thanks to Joe noticing I'm not old enough, John noticing that I'm too Italian, and the almost wife not allowing me to screw any interns. My brother on the other hand, is definitely going to be my press secretary.

If these are the only things holding me back, I think my campaign can surmount them. Even if the almost wife isn't going to allow me to sleep my way to the top.

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Woke up today feeling ok. Sounds small, but generally I wake up and I'm either a) cranky as shit because I haven't slept all night, or b) cranky as shit because my back hurts.

Don't get me wrong, I still wouldn't say I slept well, but I did at least sleep last night, and I can actually sit up straight today without my back screaming at me. Which is nice. Remember the days when we could play basketball all day, drink all night, sleep through class the next morning, and repeat? And there would be no repercussions? (Other than accidentally infuriating some pretentious poser in the English department, who was most likely going to try to make me explain how the theme of some book was a pre-cursor to the post-modernist feminist movement. Somehow, I don't think I was missing much be skipping class to either sleep or play basketball. Both my body and my mind are still thankful.)

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One last thing for today, I heard through the grapevine last night that there might be a new Goodwin in the world. Miss Molly Goodwin, welcome to the world, and good luck dealing with your father. You're going to need it. You're mom on the other hand? She's a saint. (Proof for this is the fact that she always picked up your father from our parties after we accidentally got him completely and utterly intoxicated.)

You know what? I think I'll run for president too.

As of February 12, there are 17 candidates for president who have filed with the Federal Elections Commission (FEC). This list includes: Joseph Biden (D), Samuel Brownback (R), Hillary R. Clinton (D), Christopher J. Dodd (D), John Edwards (D), James Gilmore III (R), Rudolph Giuliani (R), Mike Gravel (D), Duncan Hunter (R), Dennis Kucinich (D), John McCain (R), Barack Obama (D), Bill Richardson (D), Mitt Romney (R), Tom Tancredo (R), Tommy Thompson (R), Thomas Vilsack (D)

This list doesn't include some people who are thought to be interested in running, including: Al Gore (D), Wesley Clark (D), Al Sharpton (D), Mike Huckabee (R), Ron Paul (R), Newt Gingrich (R), and Chuck Hagel (R).

This list also doesn't include 19 other candidates from other parties, including candidates from the Constitution Party, Green Party, and Libertarian Party.

This makes for a total list of official (or close to official) presidential candidates totaling 43.

I repeat. As of February 12th, there were 43 candidates for President of the United States.

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So what's one more? I think I'll run for President.

Problem Number 1:
My primary problem that I am facing, as I see it, is this (approximate) statement from the chairman of the FEC: To be taken seriously, a candidate must raise $100 million.

Holy Fuck!!!!

If you took the grand sum of the yearly salaries of everyone that I have ever met in my life, I'm not sure it would total $100 million. According to preliminary estimates, this election will cost over 1 billion dollars! No wonder many people feel like we have a government of the (rich) people, by the (rich) people, for the (rich) people.

Problem Number 2: Campaign slogan.

I think I've got this down. My campaign slogan is going to be simple: No more fucking up.

If elected, I will not bang any interns, and I will not bomb any middle eastern countries unless they really, really, deserve it. I will not increase the national deficit to the point where my children will owe an unpayable debt.

I will not be bribed, I will not sleep with little boys. Or little girls.

Sounds simple enough right? I think I've got a winner here.

Oh there may be more problems, but never feel my people. I still have a year and half before the election.

Podcasts and booboos

Hello Boys and Girls

Playing a little hurt today, but I'm about as tough as it gets, so it's ok. Who's that laughing? I'll sick the dog on you.

Thanks to some melting snow/ice from the roof, the front steps of the mansion were pretty much sheer ice. Rushing down the stairs to take the mutt out to yellow up the snow, while simultaneously talking to my parents on phone, and wearing pretty much traction-less shoes, might have been seen, by a lesser human being, as a recipe for disaster. Exceptionally balanced and graceful individuals such as myself rarely think of "traction" or "Hey, I might fall down the stairs if I'm not careful." Well, color me shocked when for once my super human balance failed me, and I went down the front steps ass over tea kettle.

While my dignity had taken a beating, my pinkie took a worse one. not sure if it's broken or not, but it is kind of swollen and purple today. Thanks to having broken most of my fingers before, and thanks to my overall toughness as a human being, I didn't cry like a little girl. I thought about it though.

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In keeping with new re-organization of the blog, Tuesday's are all about "Entertainment." Maybe tv, maybe movies, maybe sports. Most of these things only interest me. Sometimes I might attempt to write a relatively serious film or book critique. Others I might talk about what sort of embarrassing tv shows I'm sucked into these days.

Today? No long dissertations on anything, just a list of a few podcasts worth checking out if, like me, you like sports talk radio. Now, I understand completely people who hate sports talk radio. Is it completely useless? Possibly. Are most hosts borderline morons? Yes. Accepting all of these things as true, here is a list of some Sports podcasts that don't always suck.

• Pardon the Interruption - Sometimes great, usually good. Same as the tv show. Usually about 25 minutes or so.
  
• Mike and Mike in the Morning - A fat guy and a metro-sexual talk sports. Surprisingly entertaining, even if they have Dick Vitale on to scream once a week. 30 plus minutes
  
• Dan Patrick Show - Dan Patrick is an annoyingly pompous past his prime putz. That said, sometimes he has on some pretty entertaining guests. Desperately needs a co-host, sometimes Keith Olberman fits the bill. 15 minutesish
• ESPN Daily Dish - ESPN basketball writer Chad Ford and a few others interview basketball GMs and others to talk about various issues. Usually 10 minutes or less.
• Baseball America - Reviews minor league and college baseball players, farm systems, and the baseball draft. Anywhere from 20 - 60 minutes.
• Tony Kornheiser Show - From his Washington Post radio show, Tony doesn't really talk a ton about sports, but for fans of his old ESPN show, it's nice to have him back. 60 - 90 minutes.

All of the above update daily. Some of them suck for the most part but are interesting sometimes, others are generally worth listening to, others are at best good background noise.

Refocusing the blog

Hi!

Feels like every time I write a blog these days I need to write an apology, or an explanation for why I haven't been writing all that frequently.

No apologies this time, my reason for not writing this time is pretty straight-forward: I've been busy as hell at work. I have started several, maybe 5, blog entries in the past month or so, but I haven't been able to finish them to my (admittedly low) standards. I don't care to edit for spelling or grammar, but coherence is nice. Also, depending on the topic, I need to make sure I agree with what I wrote. Sometimes the brain isn't meaning what the fingers are typing, if you know what I mean!

Still, writing a daily blog has proven to be something I'm not capable of doing consistently. Generally, time is not the issue. While there are times of the year when I don't have time to write a decent blog entry, they are few. No, generally the problem for me is that I can't narrow down what I want to write about.

So, I've decided to change up the format a little bit. I'm going to try to stick to a system of writing about certain things on certain days of the week. I have generally written about the same sorts of things since I started this up, and I'll stick to the same sorts of things now. There will just be (hopefully) a little more structure. I haven't decided on anything definitely, but along the lines of what I was thinking was:

Monday - Most likely, anything I write about on Monday will in some way involve a rant about how much I hate Monday's.

Tuesday - Media. This could include a book or a movie review, TV recommendations, etc. Also where I would write about sports.

Wednesday - Politics. Generally mid-week I am smarter than I am on Monday's or Friday's, so this might be the best day to tackle thorny subjects.

Thursday - Being our age. This is where I will (maybe) write about things that occur to me that have changed, or are changing, for people my age.

Friday - Mish mosh of things, on a day when my brain is generally mush. Probably will include some things such as plans (or lack thereof) for the weekend, ranting about the long, boring week just concluded, etc.

Weekends - If I ever write a blog on the weekends, I hope it is about what I pathetic loser I am, and how I have no life. While I would like to think this could never possibly happen, expect one soon.

Thoughts? Fire away in the comments section. I'm certainly game for ideas, reprimands, or mockery.

Not of my generation

All of my thinking about the success and failure of generations the last few days started me thinking. What defines a generation? Our parents were/are generally baby boomers, depending on their age. But us? I was unsure. So I pulled up the list of generations page at wikipedia. You can imagine my reaction when I found out that I am grouped with the MTV generation. Fuck. My generation is named after a tv channel best represented by brainless bimbos with fake boobs, willing to hump anyone in order to get their 15 fleeting seconds of fame. Great. Other option? The Boomerang generation, named after a group of people who moved in with their parents after college. No wonder I feel pessimism about my generation. We can't even figure out how to get our own apartments.

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I submit that if my generation has to be named after a tv channel, that it might as well be ESPN. At least I can feel a little ownership there.

More realistically, couldn't we be the CNN generation? I mean, isn't the onset of the 24 hour news channel more groundbreaking than the Real World? Maybe MTV was culturally important back in the days of Yo MTV Raps, and back when they actually played music videos? I mean, I still have fondness for a certain Chris Isaac video.

Seriously, I feel like we need a new label for people our age. The one thing that resonated in the description of the Boomerang Generation, was that we grew up during the onset of AIDS, and came of age post-9/11. Not that I want to be a part of the AIDS generation, or a part of the Police State generation, but at least I could relate to it.

State of the onion; taking a deuce

Debbie downer here, trying to bring a little optimism today. I just got out of a two hour conference call followed by a three hour meeting, so.. Acting out some optimism might be a stretch. Putzing around the house last night, I was thinking about what I wrote yesterday. And also thinking "Man are we fucked." And I still feel that way. At the same time, I couldn't help but think that there must be some things that have improved from our parent's generation to ours.

So, loosely defining these things as things that have happened since about 1955, I tried to come up with a list. It's not pretty, but hopefully it will at least in some ways balance my pessimism from yesterday.

• Medical Care has improved. I'm not talking about the cost of healthcare, or insurance, or even necessarily the availability. Nope. Those things have not, in my mind at least, improved. No, I'm talking about straightforward cures of diseases. At least in the US. If you live in Africa or parts of Asia, sorry, you're still fucked.
• Liz, if you know otherwise, don't tell me. I'm grasping at straws here.
• Access to information has improved. With the coming of the internet, anyone with access to a computer can get access to any information you could possibly desire. (Unless, of course, you live in China. Sorry, no free speech for you.) Of course, there is an equal amount of false information out there, and most people have a hard time telling the difference.
• Porn. This is one thing that has indusputibly improved. One thing the dawn of the internet has brought us is free access to plenty of smut. Even in Asia.
  
• More sports on TV. When our parents were our age, there was no ESPN, no NESN. There was one game on a week. Otherwise, you listened to the radio.
  
• Speaking of TV, our parents generation has brought us cable tv. Thanks to this wonderful invention, I can know see the truth being distorted on 15 different channels!

I'm really stretching it here... Thinking.... Thinking...

Seriously, there must be other things that have improved in the last 50 years, right? I mean, smut, sports and the world wide web are great and all, but as landmark achievements for a generation, I'm not so sure they're going to stand the test of time.

So much for optimism. Maybe I'll try again tomorrow.

State of the onion

I tried to watch the State of the Union. I really did. I spent part of the day preparing myself mentally for what I was going to hear. I bought some wine, you know, as a crutch to get through the applause. I even turned on the tv.

When it came right down to it, I just couldn't do it. Not because of the President's policies (which I by an large hate.) Nope. I couldn't subject myself to listening to one of if not the worst public speakers this country has ever had in a president. Look, Reagan had his faults as a President. (Actually, he had a shit-ton of faults as a president.) At the very least however, Reagan could deliver the lines that were scripted for him. Our current bad president can't even convince me that he knows what the words are he's reading. God I miss the days of Clinton. You could question his morality, you could question his politics, but you couldn't question his intelligence.

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So, what is the State of the Union today? Lacking a president with a firm grasp of his public, the task of assessing our countries mood falls, once again, to me. And in my mind, our country is in a very dangerous place right now. As a Super power, as a Democracy, you name it. For the first time since the founding of our country, our parent's generation is passing off to us a country that is in worse shape than the one they inherited. I dread seeing what we will pass on to our kids.

• There is a very real chance that free speech will be a historical anecdote
• We may live in a police state
  
• Given the way global warming is accelerating, we may need to put on SPF 100 just to leave the house.
• Finding a job and career path that can lead to financial security as well as personal happiness will be a fiction
• War may become just another part of the daily news, in addition to stabbings, murders, and drug busts.

Think about that list. How many of those things have we improved upon in recent memory? How many of those things are already a fact of life today?

So.. What is the State of our Union today? Pretty fucking weak if you ask me.

Screw you Persia

Debates are fun, debates about whether or not Iraq is Persia are not.

From Wikipedia:

"The Persian empire has become as what we know today as Iran."

Sorry Joey. I didn't particular have an opinion on the debate, but I did have enough curiosity to spend five seconds looking it up.

Fighting my own apathy

Reading Johnson's blog entry the other day made me wonder what's wrong with me. Once upon a time, and it wasn't that long ago, I could watch the news and have an opinion about quite a few of things going on. Not only could I have an opinion, but I could generally articulate an argument.

Now? I can't recall the last time I watched the news. It's been even longer since I've watched the news and felt anything resembling surprise. Amish student brings gun to school, shoots 10. No reasons given. Huh. Bush eats a piece of shit he found on his farm? Not surprising. California fell into the Pacific, Republicans feel this helps them in the upcoming Presidential election. I believe it. Seriously, I think the only thing left that could surprise me is if they started telling positive stories on Cable News. Teacher loved by his students. That's a headline that would surprise me, unless of course it was closely followed by, He loved them a little too much, if you know what I mean.

Where did all my apathy come from? Could be 9/11. In a very real way, that was the last time I actually engaged myself in the news. Could be Bush's re-election in 2004. The amazing lack of historical perspective that went into the inasion of Iraq is a distinct possibility as well. In all reality though, I'm sure it was all of these events and their coverage, combined with a couple of other factors that led to my general not-giving of a shit.

1. The collective dumbing down of conservatism. Seriously, the fact that people think being against gay rights or abortion makes them politically conservative is disgusting to me. (Never mind the fact that in the year 2007 we are still having debates with supposedly intelligent people arguing over whether or not a segment of our population has the right to marry eachother.) This is not to say that liberalism is in better shape, but liberals piss me off less than religious zealots masquerading as a false conservative.

2. It's becoming increasingly obvious to me, that my vote does not matter. At least I don't live in a state like Ohio or Florida, where peoples votes aren't even being counted before they're ignored.

3. My job bores me.

Throw all those things in a blender. mix until smooth. What have you got? Me asleep on the couch, feet up, mouth open, puddle of drool forming, remote in hand, thumb permanently on the channel up button, with dreams of sugarplums floating in my head.

Aww, screw it. I'm going home.

Last gasp of the twenties

Hard as it is for me to believe, I'm turning 29 this year. I'm looking smack dab in the face of the end of my twenties, and the beginning of my thirties. Just seems like this should feel different somehow, more momentus. I mean, shouldn't the world stop and look and collectively gasp at how such a young looking individual as myself could possibly be entering the tail end of his late twenties? "Can't be!" people should be saying, or "He doesn't look a day over 22!"

I'm waiting people.

OK, it's possible that the sideburns going gray, and the hairs falling out of the top of my head are giving people the physical reminders of what my years are. But mentally? Surely people all around the world should be stopping and taking notice of my boyish personality, my gawkish innocence, my... OK, that seems a stretch.

Looking back a decade seems an eternity. I was 19, and getting ready to enter the second semester of my second year at UMaine. I was living in the dorms in a double-single, and no doubt trying to convince myself that this, THIS! would be the semester when I would finally (re)dedicate myself to my classes. Also, as it is 3:10 on a Friday, I was probably already well into a case of busch bar bottles (our afternoon beers) in Robinson's room, passing time playing NBA Hangtime until the dining commons opened for dinner. Oh, and I had a beard and long hair. Surprisingly, I was single.

Now? I'm getting married in June, and to be honest, the thought isn't really all that scary anymore, in fact it's more reassuring than anything. I own a house, a truck, and a dog. I've worked for the same place since April 2000, and have been promoted a couple dubious times. If my hair gets longer than two inches, I start to feel shaggy, and I shave once a week whether or not I need it.

Looking forward to ten years from now, I'm not sure what would surprise me. Kids? Wouldn't surprise me. New job (s)? Hell, if you offered me one today I just might take it. Same truck? Why not? It's a toyota. Hair? Yup, having hair in ten years would surprise me.

Oh well, I'm off to enjoy the last gasp of 28. By which, of course, I mean that I'm going to go play some raquet ball.