Handicapping the candidates..

Has there ever been an election, even at the early state of this election, with so many legitimate candidates that would be precedent setting? Feasibly, in January 2009, we could be introduced to our first woman President, or the first African-American president, or the first Hispanic President. (Hey, we've even got a Mormon running this time! How cute.) This in a country that has only had one president who wasn't a male, white, and Protestant. (That would be JFK, the only Catholic president we've ever had. And it's not as if he was an outsider.) We've had female candidates before, and we've had black candidates before. Hell, we've even had black female candidates before.

So this must be progress, right? Is this another of John's notpocalypse's? I'm just not sure. Race has certainly been an issue for Barack Obama. Oddly, he has been accused of being "too white." It's not a big stretch to see that what he is really being called is an "Uncle Tom." I'd hardly consider that a sign of any sort of progress.

So is it progress in gender relations that Hillary Clinton is a viable candidate for President? Possibly. There have been powerful woman politicians for some time. (For example, Margaret Chase Smith, whose portraits are all over the Senate House, and, by the way, who was also a candidate for President at one point.) I think in evaluating Hillary Clinton's candidacy as progress, you need to look, at least in part, at the way she is covered in the press. In my mind, Hillary gets a tough go of it in the press, especially in regards to her personality. Hillary is often referred to as cold, or vicious; i.e. bitchy. Male candidates with relatively similar personality issues (driven, stubborn, bad temper) include, well, most of the candidates for president. Still, Clinton has managed to at least somewhat be seen on her own as a political figure. No small achievement considering the size of the shadow cast by her husband. This alone should probably be considered some progress.

So does the makeup of the candidates serve as a sign of progress in this country? Maybe. Real progress will be seen when it's not newsworthy that we have minority candidates or female candidates. Color me as one person who will still be shocked if we end up in 2009 with anyone who doesn't fit the standard of straight, married, upperclass protestant male.

A new arrival

Well now.

The campaign is off to a slightly rocky start, thanks to Joe noticing I'm not old enough, John noticing that I'm too Italian, and the almost wife not allowing me to screw any interns. My brother on the other hand, is definitely going to be my press secretary.

If these are the only things holding me back, I think my campaign can surmount them. Even if the almost wife isn't going to allow me to sleep my way to the top.

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Woke up today feeling ok. Sounds small, but generally I wake up and I'm either a) cranky as shit because I haven't slept all night, or b) cranky as shit because my back hurts.

Don't get me wrong, I still wouldn't say I slept well, but I did at least sleep last night, and I can actually sit up straight today without my back screaming at me. Which is nice. Remember the days when we could play basketball all day, drink all night, sleep through class the next morning, and repeat? And there would be no repercussions? (Other than accidentally infuriating some pretentious poser in the English department, who was most likely going to try to make me explain how the theme of some book was a pre-cursor to the post-modernist feminist movement. Somehow, I don't think I was missing much be skipping class to either sleep or play basketball. Both my body and my mind are still thankful.)

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One last thing for today, I heard through the grapevine last night that there might be a new Goodwin in the world. Miss Molly Goodwin, welcome to the world, and good luck dealing with your father. You're going to need it. You're mom on the other hand? She's a saint. (Proof for this is the fact that she always picked up your father from our parties after we accidentally got him completely and utterly intoxicated.)

You know what? I think I'll run for president too.

As of February 12, there are 17 candidates for president who have filed with the Federal Elections Commission (FEC). This list includes: Joseph Biden (D), Samuel Brownback (R), Hillary R. Clinton (D), Christopher J. Dodd (D), John Edwards (D), James Gilmore III (R), Rudolph Giuliani (R), Mike Gravel (D), Duncan Hunter (R), Dennis Kucinich (D), John McCain (R), Barack Obama (D), Bill Richardson (D), Mitt Romney (R), Tom Tancredo (R), Tommy Thompson (R), Thomas Vilsack (D)

This list doesn't include some people who are thought to be interested in running, including: Al Gore (D), Wesley Clark (D), Al Sharpton (D), Mike Huckabee (R), Ron Paul (R), Newt Gingrich (R), and Chuck Hagel (R).

This list also doesn't include 19 other candidates from other parties, including candidates from the Constitution Party, Green Party, and Libertarian Party.

This makes for a total list of official (or close to official) presidential candidates totaling 43.

I repeat. As of February 12th, there were 43 candidates for President of the United States.

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So what's one more? I think I'll run for President.

Problem Number 1:
My primary problem that I am facing, as I see it, is this (approximate) statement from the chairman of the FEC: To be taken seriously, a candidate must raise $100 million.

Holy Fuck!!!!

If you took the grand sum of the yearly salaries of everyone that I have ever met in my life, I'm not sure it would total $100 million. According to preliminary estimates, this election will cost over 1 billion dollars! No wonder many people feel like we have a government of the (rich) people, by the (rich) people, for the (rich) people.

Problem Number 2: Campaign slogan.

I think I've got this down. My campaign slogan is going to be simple: No more fucking up.

If elected, I will not bang any interns, and I will not bomb any middle eastern countries unless they really, really, deserve it. I will not increase the national deficit to the point where my children will owe an unpayable debt.

I will not be bribed, I will not sleep with little boys. Or little girls.

Sounds simple enough right? I think I've got a winner here.

Oh there may be more problems, but never feel my people. I still have a year and half before the election.