Sitting in class today, my professor said something interesting. Swear to god. I almost fell out of my chair, but fortunately my desk was designed for a little person, so I was wedged in pretty well.
He was talking about the canadian government, and how they are undergoing a new election, and mentioned that in a lot of ways their form of elections is better than ours. He was saying this because elections in Canada actually end, as opposed to here, where we are still debating the 2000 Florida results.
Canadia, much like England, follow a Parliamentary gov't. What that means I'm not sure. What I do have is a rough idea of how their elections work. From what I understand, the Prime Minister is basically the leader of the majority party, and has to call for an election periodically. They can do this whenever they want, but there is a time limit. So... When a prime minister is very popular, they might call an election so as to not have to call an election when they were in more of a down turn. For example, now would not be the right time for GW the stupider to call for an election.
When the Prime Minister calls for an election, there is 5 weeks of campaigning, and then an election. I'm not sure if anyone else has noticed, but Hillary Clinton started campaigning during Kerry's disastrophy, and John McCain only took a brief timeout after losing to GW in the 2000 primaries. Wouldn't it be nice if we could have just 5 weeks to deal with their horseshit before we voted on them? I mean, does two years of open campaigning help anybody? Really all that accomplishes is that only the truly rich can win an election.
When they talk about election reform, how come ideas like this never come up?
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Monday, November 28, 2005
No naps on this day...
The unthinkable has happened.
Somehow, that horror of horrors, the impossible itself, has happened.
Thanksgiving came and went, turkey was eaten, football was on, wine was drunk, and yet... No nappy nap.
Why is this? Simple. The bane of the holiday seasons: The Posed, Fake Smiley Picture. For years, we have been more or less past this event, what with everyone growing up and not being cute and smiley anymore. Now, my cousins have reached the point where they feel like inflicting their own issues on smaller versions of themselves, so there are small pooping machines that need to be forced to sit still and small at a small flashing machine. Thanks to the invention of the digital camera, there no longer is any excuse not to take pictures all day long, without pause for such necessities as naps, football, or, god forbid, hot turkey sandwiches.
As a matter of fact, I just realized that I somehow made it through the holidays without a turkey sandwich drenched in sweet, sweet turkey fat! I'm going to have to wait until next Thanksgiving, when there will be even more pooping and noise making machines running around.
DAMN YOU FAKE SMILEY PICTURE!!!
Seriously, who likes the posed picture? Is this something that happens with breeding? I.e., you pop out a kid and all of a sudden you need to pose for needlessly repititive pictures of people grimacing?
Can someone please answer me? Regardless of the cause, we need to find a cure. Once my naps and sandwiches get messed with, there's no more fucking around.
Somehow, that horror of horrors, the impossible itself, has happened.
Thanksgiving came and went, turkey was eaten, football was on, wine was drunk, and yet... No nappy nap.
Why is this? Simple. The bane of the holiday seasons: The Posed, Fake Smiley Picture. For years, we have been more or less past this event, what with everyone growing up and not being cute and smiley anymore. Now, my cousins have reached the point where they feel like inflicting their own issues on smaller versions of themselves, so there are small pooping machines that need to be forced to sit still and small at a small flashing machine. Thanks to the invention of the digital camera, there no longer is any excuse not to take pictures all day long, without pause for such necessities as naps, football, or, god forbid, hot turkey sandwiches.
As a matter of fact, I just realized that I somehow made it through the holidays without a turkey sandwich drenched in sweet, sweet turkey fat! I'm going to have to wait until next Thanksgiving, when there will be even more pooping and noise making machines running around.
DAMN YOU FAKE SMILEY PICTURE!!!
Seriously, who likes the posed picture? Is this something that happens with breeding? I.e., you pop out a kid and all of a sudden you need to pose for needlessly repititive pictures of people grimacing?
Can someone please answer me? Regardless of the cause, we need to find a cure. Once my naps and sandwiches get messed with, there's no more fucking around.
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
Am I a snob? Mebbe so.
I discovered Johnny Cash via Willie Nelson several years back. I'd listened to some Cash before, particularly "Ring of Fire," which for a while closed down Margarita's every night. (For a while, so did I.) But then I bought At Folsom Prison about four years ago, and I was hooked. I mean, anyone who can cover Tom Petty and Nine Inch Nails, and OWN it... That's a guy with some talent. I've bought many albums of his since then, and loved just about all of them. Folsom Prison is still my favorite album of Johnny Cash's, and I listen to it at least once a week, often more.
Needless to say, I was interested to see Walk The Line, but as much as anything I was a little apprehensive about it. For one thing, they had legally blond playing June Carter.
Well everything went well. All the main, and most of the minor actors in the movie absolutely fucking nailed it. Most everyone has heard that Pheonix really sounds like Cash, and blondie sounds like June Carter. True.
So why did I leave the movie a little bummed out?
Easy. I'm a snob.
Starting now, it's going to be impossible to distinguish people who listen to Johnny Cash, with the people who also listen to the Backstreet Boys but saw Walk the Line and kind of liked the music. Soon enough, people in Abercrappy are going to know the words to Folsom Prison Blues, and that's going to piss me off.
---
I tried to explain this to the gf last night, and was informed that I was being a pompous ass, and that I should be glad people were going to learn to listen to music that I liked. Well, I certainly can be an elitist, but only because I know that there are an awful lot of stupid people in the world. And seriously, there are people in the world that thought the Spice Girls made good music. It's not hard for me to consider myself better than them.
---
So ignoring my misgivings about new Cash fans, I really do highly recommend watching Walk the Line. It's gooder than most of the crap movies out there, and whether or not you already like Johnny Cash, you will at least recognize where the appeal comes from.
Needless to say, I was interested to see Walk The Line, but as much as anything I was a little apprehensive about it. For one thing, they had legally blond playing June Carter.
Well everything went well. All the main, and most of the minor actors in the movie absolutely fucking nailed it. Most everyone has heard that Pheonix really sounds like Cash, and blondie sounds like June Carter. True.
So why did I leave the movie a little bummed out?
Easy. I'm a snob.
Starting now, it's going to be impossible to distinguish people who listen to Johnny Cash, with the people who also listen to the Backstreet Boys but saw Walk the Line and kind of liked the music. Soon enough, people in Abercrappy are going to know the words to Folsom Prison Blues, and that's going to piss me off.
---
I tried to explain this to the gf last night, and was informed that I was being a pompous ass, and that I should be glad people were going to learn to listen to music that I liked. Well, I certainly can be an elitist, but only because I know that there are an awful lot of stupid people in the world. And seriously, there are people in the world that thought the Spice Girls made good music. It's not hard for me to consider myself better than them.
---
So ignoring my misgivings about new Cash fans, I really do highly recommend watching Walk the Line. It's gooder than most of the crap movies out there, and whether or not you already like Johnny Cash, you will at least recognize where the appeal comes from.
Monday, November 21, 2005
Recovery time needed...
Things that we learned this weekend:
We learned that West Virginia has palm trees, and that there are 17 original colonies. We alse learned that Joe is full of shit, but we knew that already, right Liz?
We also learned that sometimes, despite the best intentions, a shitty bartender or two can be the reason you don't get as drunk as intended. I don't want to mention any names here, but if you're an irish bar that can't claim the reigning bartender of the year in Portland ME, you suck. Unless you are named after an ancient irish king, in which case you are just fine, thank you.
What else was learned? Important lessons about dress codes. For example, if you claim to be a "pub," you shouldn't have an Abercrombie dress code. Let's see, which bar in Portland that brews their own beer but doesn't serve it very quickly am I thinking of?
We learned Drew has an accent that can't be explained easily, but we saw the beginnings of this a year ago. Good on Drew for somehow not blowing out a body part this year by the way! Bookies weren't taking odds on this one..
Above all else, we learned about laundry detergent. And Gushee. And I never, ever, ever want back any clothes that may have ended up his after any of the years we lived together. Because really, I just have a sneaking suspicion, he might have treated them like shit.
We learned that West Virginia has palm trees, and that there are 17 original colonies. We alse learned that Joe is full of shit, but we knew that already, right Liz?
We also learned that sometimes, despite the best intentions, a shitty bartender or two can be the reason you don't get as drunk as intended. I don't want to mention any names here, but if you're an irish bar that can't claim the reigning bartender of the year in Portland ME, you suck. Unless you are named after an ancient irish king, in which case you are just fine, thank you.
What else was learned? Important lessons about dress codes. For example, if you claim to be a "pub," you shouldn't have an Abercrombie dress code. Let's see, which bar in Portland that brews their own beer but doesn't serve it very quickly am I thinking of?
We learned Drew has an accent that can't be explained easily, but we saw the beginnings of this a year ago. Good on Drew for somehow not blowing out a body part this year by the way! Bookies weren't taking odds on this one..
Above all else, we learned about laundry detergent. And Gushee. And I never, ever, ever want back any clothes that may have ended up his after any of the years we lived together. Because really, I just have a sneaking suspicion, he might have treated them like shit.
Thursday, November 17, 2005
Balls? What balls?
So.. I cashed in my balls this evening. I didn't even know it happened, as I was asleep at the time. I came home from work, got comfortable on the couch, and began napping. When I awoke, I had lost control of the remote, and of my balls. The gf had taken advantage of my nap to put on Sex in the City.
Freshly out of balls, I decided to call Goody. If anyone would know how to cope with a ballless state it was him.
Unfortunately, Goody didn't know of any remedies for the problem. Maybe if I ask nice the gf will return my balls for this weekend, but I doubt it.
---
In other news, I hear there's going to be about a zillion people in the land of the Port this weekend. I fear for my liver.
In related news, rumors that Joey T doesn't know how to use his cell phone appear to be false, but I'd still place money that he doesn't know how to check his voicemail.
Freshly out of balls, I decided to call Goody. If anyone would know how to cope with a ballless state it was him.
Unfortunately, Goody didn't know of any remedies for the problem. Maybe if I ask nice the gf will return my balls for this weekend, but I doubt it.
---
In other news, I hear there's going to be about a zillion people in the land of the Port this weekend. I fear for my liver.
In related news, rumors that Joey T doesn't know how to use his cell phone appear to be false, but I'd still place money that he doesn't know how to check his voicemail.
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
Drunken Kiwis like dogs
So Johnson's moving back to the land of the Mormons. Well, I bet he can out drink most of them.
---
Goody can only write once a month, whether or not anything new happens to him. Although, like always, he can be influenced by a drunk phone call.
---
And the Kiwi has landed in the land of the Puritans. We tested out several of the new bars in the bustling Metropolis of Oh Row No. Of course, all the bartenders knew my first name, so maybe it wasn't the first test drive for me. Still, the common consensus was that having more than one bar to go to is a good thing.
---
The dogface took an instant liking to the Kiwi. I mean, full on tongue kissing and everything. If the dogface had any equipment left, there is a halfway decent chance we could have seen little Kiwi/Boxer mixes running around. Of course we figured out that the Kiwi had been hunting recently and spilled some scent on his watch, which for the dogface is basically like an aphrodisiac. S0 the Kiwi has a new girlfriend.
Of course, the dogface is now physically incapable of putting out, but whatever. Does this make me the happy father? Or does this make the Kiwi a fan of dog sex? Should I be lecturing the Kiwi about keeping the dogface out past curfew?
Can we get a vote here?
---
Goody can only write once a month, whether or not anything new happens to him. Although, like always, he can be influenced by a drunk phone call.
---
And the Kiwi has landed in the land of the Puritans. We tested out several of the new bars in the bustling Metropolis of Oh Row No. Of course, all the bartenders knew my first name, so maybe it wasn't the first test drive for me. Still, the common consensus was that having more than one bar to go to is a good thing.
---
The dogface took an instant liking to the Kiwi. I mean, full on tongue kissing and everything. If the dogface had any equipment left, there is a halfway decent chance we could have seen little Kiwi/Boxer mixes running around. Of course we figured out that the Kiwi had been hunting recently and spilled some scent on his watch, which for the dogface is basically like an aphrodisiac. S0 the Kiwi has a new girlfriend.
Of course, the dogface is now physically incapable of putting out, but whatever. Does this make me the happy father? Or does this make the Kiwi a fan of dog sex? Should I be lecturing the Kiwi about keeping the dogface out past curfew?
Can we get a vote here?
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
holy batshit batman
Another movie recommendation for you kind folks today.
Batman Begins.
This is a fine piece of movie, full of sweet action scenes, a token cute chick, and a man dressing up like a bat. For the first time though, they addressed some key issues, such as:
Well.
OK.
I can't remember shit about the movie. Think I might have killed those particular brain cells Saturday night. Anyways, , there were a few thoughts that kept running through my mind while watching the movie about a man and the bats. I guess there might be spoilers below, if you haven't seen any previews or been to a grocery store recently.
Batman Begins.
This is a fine piece of movie, full of sweet action scenes, a token cute chick, and a man dressing up like a bat. For the first time though, they addressed some key issues, such as:
Well.
OK.
I can't remember shit about the movie. Think I might have killed those particular brain cells Saturday night. Anyways, , there were a few thoughts that kept running through my mind while watching the movie about a man and the bats. I guess there might be spoilers below, if you haven't seen any previews or been to a grocery store recently.
- Interesting. There doesn't appear to be any batshit in that cave. These bats must shit, right? So... Where's the bat shit?
- So.. She's banging Maverick, huh. Goose must be pissed.
- So.. Unless I'm mistaken.. The Scarecrow in this movie really, really, likes LSD. Right? So this movie is like a long Don't do Drugs Ad, right?
- Christian Bale is better than the second Michael Keaton, but I'm not sure about the first. Batman three and four never happened, by the way
Monday, November 07, 2005
Burn baby burn
Ahhh
So another weekend come and gone, with yet another session of unproductivity. Unless of course, you count drinking a bunch of wine, burning a bunch of wood, and shooting stuff as a productive weekend. Which, fortunately for me, I do.
So my liver is another decade older today. Let's just say that the drive home on bumpy Maine roads was an experience that I'm not looking forward to repeating anytime soon. Fortunately, I have the next couple of weeks to recover before we head to the Port Land for a session with some folks from other parts of the world, namely Auck Land and West Vagina Land.
---
Apparently the dogface had a good weekend, culminating in a makeout session with four girls Sunday morning. In my bed. Good times, good times. Unfortunately there were no pictures for you beastiality lovers out there. You know who you are.
---
In related news, somehow JR and I managed not to cook any of his doglike cats this weekend. Not sure how that is, but I guess it could have had something to do with the fact that we never exactly made it to the late night. Oops.
---
Just me and the dogface tonight, as the gf has officially moved into the "stay at school til all hours of the night teaching little girls to bounce around with smiles on their faces" portion of her schedule. Which means, I have to fend for myself in the kitchen. Thank god we reconnected the smoke alarms yesterday.
So another weekend come and gone, with yet another session of unproductivity. Unless of course, you count drinking a bunch of wine, burning a bunch of wood, and shooting stuff as a productive weekend. Which, fortunately for me, I do.
So my liver is another decade older today. Let's just say that the drive home on bumpy Maine roads was an experience that I'm not looking forward to repeating anytime soon. Fortunately, I have the next couple of weeks to recover before we head to the Port Land for a session with some folks from other parts of the world, namely Auck Land and West Vagina Land.
---
Apparently the dogface had a good weekend, culminating in a makeout session with four girls Sunday morning. In my bed. Good times, good times. Unfortunately there were no pictures for you beastiality lovers out there. You know who you are.
---
In related news, somehow JR and I managed not to cook any of his doglike cats this weekend. Not sure how that is, but I guess it could have had something to do with the fact that we never exactly made it to the late night. Oops.
---
Just me and the dogface tonight, as the gf has officially moved into the "stay at school til all hours of the night teaching little girls to bounce around with smiles on their faces" portion of her schedule. Which means, I have to fend for myself in the kitchen. Thank god we reconnected the smoke alarms yesterday.
Friday, November 04, 2005
Votations, palpatations, and, quite possibly, some fire.
So it appears that it's actually going to be a close vote as to whether or not we're discriminating on Tuesday. While I hope that we will all be able to be fired from our jobs simply for gross incompetence, I think there is always the chance that Maine could decide that being gay is a good enough reason to get fired. Go Maine! So in other words, get your stupid asses out and vote no on 1 Tuesday.
---
Also on the ballot are a bunch of other things which I'm sure we should all care about, but you all are on your own for those. Particularly those of you in parts of the country other than Maine.
Except Jeffy, who I am sure has to worry about highly concerning things like, "Should the Gubernator be allowed to star in the sequal to Commando?" (Absolutely) and "Which Ahnuld movie is the most funniest, Kindergarten Cop, Total Recall, or Junior? (Tough call, but I'm going with... Commando in a write-in vote.)
Also Eileen, who I am sure has to vote on such things as "Marrying your sister is ok as long as she has at least three teeth," and "Any more than 4 cars up on blocks in your front yard is considered a parking garage."
Drew, I'm just guessing they don't even let your ass vote down there, so don't worry about anything but the Maori women. I hear they're crazy. Oh wait, you told me that.
---
Forecast for this weekend:
Seeing as how a severe Pi Phi warning is in effect for Saturday, it seems like a good time for me to get the fuck out of Dodge for the night. I'm cruising down to good ole Starks ME, where I hope to shoot some shit, burn some shit, and drink a whole messload of shit. Probably going to be messy, something tells me the events in the house are going to be worse.
Good Luck Dogface!
---
Also on the ballot are a bunch of other things which I'm sure we should all care about, but you all are on your own for those. Particularly those of you in parts of the country other than Maine.
Except Jeffy, who I am sure has to worry about highly concerning things like, "Should the Gubernator be allowed to star in the sequal to Commando?" (Absolutely) and "Which Ahnuld movie is the most funniest, Kindergarten Cop, Total Recall, or Junior? (Tough call, but I'm going with... Commando in a write-in vote.)
Also Eileen, who I am sure has to vote on such things as "Marrying your sister is ok as long as she has at least three teeth," and "Any more than 4 cars up on blocks in your front yard is considered a parking garage."
Drew, I'm just guessing they don't even let your ass vote down there, so don't worry about anything but the Maori women. I hear they're crazy. Oh wait, you told me that.
---
Forecast for this weekend:
Seeing as how a severe Pi Phi warning is in effect for Saturday, it seems like a good time for me to get the fuck out of Dodge for the night. I'm cruising down to good ole Starks ME, where I hope to shoot some shit, burn some shit, and drink a whole messload of shit. Probably going to be messy, something tells me the events in the house are going to be worse.
Good Luck Dogface!
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
O Sweet Litigious Society
Listening to the radio this morning on the way into work, and a person came on from CDC (Center for Disease Control.) He was talking about the avian flu. He sounded, understandably enough I suppose, depressed. According to him, its basically just a matter of time before we get hit with the flu. And then he said
"Fortunately we have developed a vaccine that is very effective."
While saying this, his voice remained in a Ben Stein monotone, and I was thinking to myself, shouldn't he be happy about this? This is good news, right? Then he says,
"Unfortunately we don't have even close to the capacity needed to create enough of the vaccine."
Ugh
It appears that many companies have gotten out of the creating vaccinations business because there were too many lawsuits.
I don't know about anyone else, but that sure makes me proud to be an American.
"Fortunately we have developed a vaccine that is very effective."
While saying this, his voice remained in a Ben Stein monotone, and I was thinking to myself, shouldn't he be happy about this? This is good news, right? Then he says,
"Unfortunately we don't have even close to the capacity needed to create enough of the vaccine."
Ugh
It appears that many companies have gotten out of the creating vaccinations business because there were too many lawsuits.
I don't know about anyone else, but that sure makes me proud to be an American.
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