Getting old on schedule?

Seriously, what is this?

Since when was there a schedule for this sort of thing? I was under the impression that I could coast through life gradually shifting from one sort of immaturity to another, and end up drooling on myself without ever having gotten "old." Oh wait. I already drool on myself.

Speaking of drooling on yourself, is anyone else looking forward to retirement already? I think that we should be able to be retired when we're young, and capable of enjoying it, and then forced to work when we're older. I mean, how many old people do you know that can sleep late? Shouldn't they be the ones that have to get up early for work? Doesn't this just make sense? I would be so much more willing to work for half my life if I could be assured that I would get 20 years of doing whatever the hell I want at the end of it. As it is, I'll probably retire and get hit by a bus. Goddamn buses.

So when we get old, do you think they're going to have playstations in the nursing home instead of shuffle board? I mean, when do you get too old for playstation? Am I going to start liking Matlock? These are the sorts of things that keep me up at night.