As of February 12, there are 17 candidates for president who have filed with the Federal Elections Commission (FEC). This list includes: Joseph Biden (D), Samuel Brownback (R), Hillary R. Clinton (D), Christopher J. Dodd (D), John Edwards (D), James Gilmore III (R), Rudolph Giuliani (R), Mike Gravel (D), Duncan Hunter (R), Dennis Kucinich (D), John McCain (R), Barack Obama (D), Bill Richardson (D), Mitt Romney (R), Tom Tancredo (R), Tommy Thompson (R), Thomas Vilsack (D)
This list doesn't include some people who are thought to be interested in running, including: Al Gore (D), Wesley Clark (D), Al Sharpton (D), Mike Huckabee (R), Ron Paul (R), Newt Gingrich (R), and Chuck Hagel (R).
This list also doesn't include 19 other candidates from other parties, including candidates from the Constitution Party, Green Party, and Libertarian Party.
This makes for a total list of official (or close to official) presidential candidates totaling 43.
I repeat. As of February 12th, there were 43 candidates for President of the United States.
---
So what's one more? I think I'll run for President.
Problem Number 1:
My primary problem that I am facing, as I see it, is this (approximate) statement from the chairman of the FEC: To be taken seriously, a candidate must raise $100 million.
Holy Fuck!!!!
If you took the grand sum of the yearly salaries of everyone that I have ever met in my life, I'm not sure it would total $100 million. According to preliminary estimates, this election will cost over 1 billion dollars! No wonder many people feel like we have a government of the (rich) people, by the (rich) people, for the (rich) people.
Problem Number 2: Campaign slogan.
I think I've got this down. My campaign slogan is going to be simple: No more fucking up.
If elected, I will not bang any interns, and I will not bomb any middle eastern countries unless they really, really, deserve it. I will not increase the national deficit to the point where my children will owe an unpayable debt.
I will not be bribed, I will not sleep with little boys. Or little girls.
Sounds simple enough right? I think I've got a winner here.
Oh there may be more problems, but never feel my people. I still have a year and half before the election.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
7 comments:
Problem #1. your not old enough to run for president. i know it kills the whole argument, sorry...
Fuck.
I completely forgot about that.
Well, I guess we'll just have to let the courts decide the election if it comes to that. I think they've proven they can handle decisions like that.
Problem number 2. No Italians is the White House.
Oh, and I find it interesting that you closed your blog by mentioning you never feel your people. Perhaps you should, and then you might have something ...
uhmm, you better not be screwing any interns!
Hey, I'm only a quarter italian. Jesus, it's like a joe and john conspiracy trying to keep me out of power.
Stupid constitution and it's keeping me out of office rules.
Can we define screwing? I'm just practicing, you know, in case.
I believe screw in this case means:
"To be a goofball with, or in the vicinity of, another individual."
...in this case, interns. However, if you happen to disagree with my interpretation and believe that you should "never dip your pen in company ink". I will say this to you, interns fall under the category of disappearing ink.
Post a Comment