The Irrationality of the GF

For those of you who know the gf, it may or may not surprise you to learn that she has an irrational side. I'm not talking about the side that invents dances for various food products in the grocery store. I'm talking about the head-spinning, green-vomiting, hop on a broom, witchy side.

And it busted out last night.

The night started off wellish. We went out for Chinese food, ate a bunch of MSG, and drank a big ole rum bowl. So far so good. Went to the movie theater (To see XMen) and were a bit early, so we raced some video cars. (Winner? Me.) Then we shot some video bears. Still, so far so good. Go and sit in the grandstand seating, and get the best seat as we were the first ones in. Still good.

As the theater started filling however, the problems started. I succession of little people started rolling in, throwing food at eachother, and talking on their cell phones. If I had to make a guess, I would have said 7th or 8th grade. They kept talking through the previews, laughing, talking on cell phones, and generally being a royal pain in the ass. Eventually, I managed to ignore them, and got sucked into the movie. (Sidebar, XMen the last Stand or whatever the hell it's called, is worth watching, but only if you liked the first two. Special effects were fine, all the characters were fine, etc. In other words, it's pretty much what you would think it was from the previews. Except for Jeff, who has somehow developed an irrational hate of the director.)

Anyhoo... Somewhere around mid-way into the movie, which I am enjoying, I look over at the gf to mention said enjoyment. What I see scares me, a little more than a little. She is sitting straight up, hands clenched into fists in her lap, glaring at the back of the little heathens sitting in front of us. That's when their noise starts to make an appearance for me again. They are shrieking, laughing, snapping camera phone pictures and passing the phones around, talking on the phone, etc. In other words, we had a middle school cafeteria in our theater. From that point on, I'm on edge. The gf keeps looking at me to make sure that I'm as angry as she is (never has the ability not to make eye contact been a better skill), and then glaring back at them. The guy sitting behind us finally gives in and starts yelling at the kids to "Please Shut the hell up."

Eventually, the bad guys on the screen are vanquished, and the movie is over. I'm not certain the kiddies even noticed right away, but eventually they started swarming their way out of the theater. To get out, they have to pass us. More accurately, to get out they have to pass the withering glare of the gf. (Remember, she teaches heathens this age every day.) I pretty much just stand there, hiding as best as I can. The gf? Starts making comments about "Learn some Manners, and rudeness, and "Have some consideration, will you!", "You ruined the movie for everyone", "You are the spawn of satan", etc. Her comments start getting louder, and louder, until a couple of the kids even seem to notice. They don't stop being annoying pieces of shit of course, they just raise up the volume.

Finally, we are past the bulk of them and outside. What do we see? A couple of the little genetic misfires abusing the payphone outside the theater. At this point, the GF goes into what I like to call the Shopping Walk. Like you guys don't know what I'm talking about. You're being dragged along shopping, and you have to practically run to keep up to the lady forcing you to shop with them? That's the Shopping Walk. Only, the gf has modified it to include angry arms thrusting straight back and forth. She's more or less marching at this point. She was certainly leaving me in the dust. And then, it happens. She sees a parent waiting in their car with the window open. Bad news. I can't imagine what she is about to say to them. She slows down just enough so that I catch up, and can grab her arm and pull her to my car. Phew. Situation averted.

Somehow, I manage not to squeal my tires in my hurry to get away.