Got a phone call from a polish kid the other day requesting a movie review of Jarhead. Sorry buddy, doesn't work like that. Especially since I've already left my house once this week, and I'm going to be in Puerto Rico next week. By the way, Cpt Polish, I swear I'm going to call you back one of these days, but I was busy hosting a bachelorette party until all hours of the night. Tonight might be the night that I return some phone calls, as the gf will be off getting pampered or some such thing in preparation for marrying off a friend from school.
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Watched Kingdom of Heaven last night, and I have to say...
It wasn't good.
But it had potential. It was actually the only bad movie I've ever seen where I was thinking, this movie needs to be longer. It wanted to be an epic a la braveheart or gladiator, but they kind of forgot to make you give a shit about any of the characters. There was just a bunch of action scenes involving Legolas the elven wonder, and then the big guy from Braveheart would say some thing zany and kill some people, and then Legolas would look serious and sad, and some girl would look strung out and sad like she was missing a fix, and then there would be more action and blood, maybe some fire, and all of a sudden the movie was over. Looking back they did have some almost plot development, but then all the characters were killed before it got too far.
It's too bad too, because the cast actually wasn't bad. (Except for miss heroin chic, who was supposed to play the hot queen who hooks up with the main character, except she wasn't hot, and I wasn't even aware that heroin chic existed in 1041.) Liam Neeson (Rob Roy), Jeremy Irons (Crazy Fucker), Brendan Gleeson (Big Guy in Braveheart,) and even Orlando (The Elf) Bloom weren't bad, they just didn't have quite enough to do.
All in all, watching this movie is kind of like watching a movie while taking a nap on the couch. Don't be surprised if you keep pinching yourself to make sure you weren't missing anything. (Like when people die that you don't give a shit about, but the music says you should, for example.)
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FYI: For anyone who gives a shit, odds are that I don't write too much next week, sorry. Unless something down in PR super-motivates me.
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9 comments:
you made it through the whole movie? i didn't even make it half way. mainly b/c i didn't care about any of the characters, and i'm tired of epic battle movies.
but, i did just receive a screener for King Kong next monday. now that's an epic movie i'm excited about.
have a great time in PR, for work or pleasure? I am jealous!
Yeah, umm..
So maybe I did fall asleep during the movie. What of it?
Does that invalidate everything I wrote?
I'm in PR for a conference, but I usually manage to squeeze out a little fun while I'm there. Unfortanately, I don't have any money to lose at the casino this year.
b/c instead of dispensable income you now have body slams from the fur face.
oh yeah, and a mortgage.
True, true, and yup, true.
Plus, I'm high-maintenance.
that is very true!
if anonymous is calling you high maintenance, then it must be true!
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